a chapter from the book i've yet to write

if i check my phone one more time for a text message, i might scream! but i know i will... and what exactly am i expecting to see? 

and then i spend all day yesterday with zumba jason. and i laughed. i laughed because a complete stranger can tell that i have a broken spirit. is it really that obvious? i also laughed because this guy with dreadlocks, earrings, and a tattoo sleeve has his whole life together and is so happy. and then there is me. i laughed because he is just as easily amused by youtube videos as me. because we danced crazy zumba moves and i looked ridiculous. i laughed because i am so pathetic that i can spend a whole day doing absolutely nothing but hide and pretend that i am fine.

does life get easier? or do i just not know how to live quite yet? 

when will i stop running into myself and get to move on?